Friday, April 4, 2008

Last Summer...coming to terms with adopting

Once Steven and I agreed that we should start researching adoption, I have to admit I was very sad. All I kept thinking about was all the milestones and moments I would miss in our child's life. I actually spent a fair amount of time on the phone with my good friend Jessica crying about missing those first precious months when she would do little more that sleep in my arms. Missing out on her first smile, first laugh, first tooth, the first time she'll roll over or sit up on her own, maybe even the first time she crawls or takes her first steps. The thought of all the missed time was utterly heartbreaking to me at first.

A few days into our research I was driving to a friends new home to help her unpack some boxes. As I was driving I saw an electric sign flash "Jeremiah 29:11". That's all it said. Well, I've only been studying the Word for a couple of years and I haven't read Jeremiah yet, so this verse was unfamiliar to me. I made a mental note to look it up when I got home, but as I'm sure you could guess, I forgot. The day I remembered was the day I got confirmation (in the form of a negative pregnancy test) that the condition that made it so difficult to concieve the first time around was, in fact, active again. As I was crying about all those things I would miss, the Lord reminded me of this verse. When I looked it up, I was so encouraged. Let me share it with any of you who may not be familiar with it:

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.'"

Now, I know that we cannot take this verse out of context and apply willy-nilly to whatever circumstance we choose, but I do believe that Jesus is our future and our hope and hope is what I needed that day. Also, the next two verses say,

12‘Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.'

Even with those words of comfort and encouragement, I was still sad, but He knew that. Later that afternoon, I was doing my bible study. I was studying the names of God and that day I came to His name, El Roi, the God Who Sees. Throughout the lesson that day He reminded me that my adoptive child is His child first and He sees all things. Even though I won't be there to witness those precious milestone moments, He will be. Not one moment of her life will be missed by her Heavenly Father.

1 comment:

5littlechickies said...

Yep.... teary eyed! El Roi will do that to you every time! I guess he brings us to tears to make us blurry eyed, foggy, and soggy eyed so that we truly can't see physically either.... deeper dependence on His sight!

Being a small piece of this process and walking along side you and Steven so far has been such a blessing. I am quite enjoying being on this side, rather than on the waiting, praying, waiting, paying (smile), waiting, questioning, anxious heart side! The rewards are greater, harder, deeper, and more beautiful that you can even wrap your brain around!

I love you friend, and I am thrilled at your blogdomness!

Jess