advent...her coming

This season of waiting for our referral has gotten a lot harder. Many friends and family ask us regularly if we have "heard anything." It is getting harder and harder to answer that question. The "Not yet" gets stuck in my throat. The "No" is not naturally said with a smile. Thank you for asking. Please keep asking. It is not the asking that is hard. It is the answering.

We periodically hear about referrals other couples at our agency have received. Until recently, this was hopeful news, but as the holidays draw nearer, I am reminded with each one that my daughter is somewhere and will not be with her family for Christmas.

This is what happened yesterday. I heard about 2 more referrals of girls to couples from our agency. My MIND says "Well, obviously, these were neither one YOUR daughter. They were the daughters of these two families. The Lord has built your family, and you must wait for its completion." My heart cries out, "WHY NOT US????"

As I took my sorrow to the Lord in prayer, He reminded me of Psalm 121:

Psalm 121
I will lift my eyes to the mountains
From where does my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not allow your foot to slip,
He who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, He who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord is your keeper,
The Lord is the shade on your right hand.
The sun will not smite you by day
nor the moon by night.
The Lord will protect you from all evil;
He will keep your soul.
The Lord will guard your going out and your coming in
From this time forth and forevermore.

So I wrote it out in my journal. As I was writing He reminded me of something else, as well. Our family is in the midst of celebrating Advent. Advent means "coming" and in the context of Christmas, we are awaiting the coming of Messiah. As we wait we prepare - watching, waiting, and anticipating with joy and excitement - not sorrow and mourning.

I began to examine how I am awaiting the advent of my daughter. Am I preparing, watching, waiting and anticipating with joy and excitement, or sorrow and mourning. I am sad to say that, of late, I have been lazy with my preparation - constant prayer for her and her transition to this country and our family, reading books on adoption, seeking out support groups to know where we will fit best when she arrives, etc - and my anticipating has turned into a 1st class pity-party of "torn-robes and ashes".

I pray that as our wait continues that the Lord would continue to faithfully remind me that He will never leave me nor forsake me - or my precious Rebekah - and that "He will keep [my/her] soul. [He] will guard [my/her] going out and [my/her] coming in from this time forth and forevermore. (Ps 121:7b,8)"

Caleb-isms IX

This weekend was a VERY busy weekend at our house. I am co-director for the children's choir at our church and our Christmas Musical was Sunday night. I was at the church...well...all weekend. On Saturday after dress rehearsal, I met my men for a quick lunch. While we were eating the following conversation happened:

(Conversation set-up: Last week was also a Global Summit at our church and my Caleb got to meet 2 of my friends from Africa. When he met my friend James, Caleb said the when he was "9 or 10" Mommy would take him to Africa with her...ummm...probably not....but I love his heart! We did ask him why "9 or 10" and he said, "You know when I'm a grown up" so we explained that 9 and 10 year olds are still kids and he wouldn't be a grown up until he's at least 20 (; )

Mommy: So, buddy, you want to go to Africa with me when you're 9 or 10.

Caleb: No, probably when I'm like, um, about 20. (NO JOKE HE TALKS LIKE THIS!!)

Mommy: Oh, like 20?

Caleb: Yeah, when I'm a grown up.

Mommy: What will you do there?

Caleb: (coloring...) I want to give out the food to the people who don't have any. I'll go and I'll give them some. I'll hand it out.

Mommy: Wow. That's a good thing to do.

Caleb: (still coloring...) Yeah, and maybe if I find my honey, I mean my wife, she can come too and she can learn them about Jesus while I hand out the food if we don't have any kids yet.

At this point I just smiled. I mean what do you say to that? Got to love his heart...and his mind...though!

PS - stay tuned for my soon to come series on Advent...

How great the Father's love for us...

Well, I already told you all what kind of strange day we've had. Poor Caleb is, I'm happy to say, feeling a little better, thanks to the pain meds the doctors gave him.

We went to dinner at Cracker Barrel tonight because it is one of Caleb's favorite places to eat. About half way through our meal, our waitress came over to ask us if everything was good, and if we needed anything. Then she informed us that another customer had already paid for our meal!!

Just one more "I love you!" on a day when He knew we needed to hear it as often as possible! What an amazing God we serve!

Broken arm, broken heart

My sweet baby has not been so sweet lately. Precious, yes. Cute, yes. Funny, absolutely! Sweet...well not unless you consider continued, persistent disobedience sweet. Me, not so much.

So yesterday, when he was PLAYING during NAP time, this was just another in a long line of examples of the current state of his heart. And when he fell from the top of his HIGH footboard to the floor, I felt pretty comfortable calling the fall a "natural consequence" of his disobedience.

As is often the case in scripture, the Lord will cause a small amount of temporary pain in order to teach us a lesson of eternal significance. The Lord knew that what Caleb was dealing with in his heart was the fact that he is "wise in his own eyes", always thinking, "I know what you said, Mommy/Daddy, but I'm sure I know better!" And as the Lord sees the heart, He knew exactly what would reach the heart of this child.

Since his fall, we have been talking and he told me that he fell because he disobeyed. He told Steven that he "won't do that again". Now, he is 4, so we can all safely assume that he will, in fact, disobey again. I do think, however, that the lesson landed. Mommy and Daddy have rules that he must obey, yes for his safety, but more because God teaches us to obey our parents...that this is pleasing to Him.

This morning we found out that the arm IS broken. He has to go back
to the hospital in the morning to be sedated so that the arm can be set and a permanent cast can be put on. He will be in the cast for 6 weeks. Again, my "mama's heart" wants to cry for how frustrated he will become over the next 6 weeks with his RIGHT arm in a cast...then I remember how desperately I've prayed that the Lord would work in his heart, showing him where he is wrong and prompting him to change. All I can say is that God is good, God is sovereign, and He sees and cares for the hearts of men...and 4 year old boys.

6 weeks of training in being grateful in all circumstances,
here we come!

A lesson in humility

This morning, after breakfast, our amazing hosts took us to a mountain just on the outskirts of Comas where we are staying. We were told that we were going there to "pray for the city". I thought, "That's nice. Let's go pray for these nice people."

As we made our way up the STEEP street that lead to the overlook we were to pray from, we were met along the way by an precious and delightful woman named Daisy and her precious son Antonio. They walked with us up to the overlook.




When we reached the top, we took a few minutes to take in the view and take some pictures...



We gathered in a circle and Pastor Enrique shared with us from Psalm 24. He said that we could have gone to a higher mountain to see more of creation, but we came here to see the city. We went up to a mountain, he said, because in the Word, it was very important, spiritually, to go up to a mountain and talk to God. Moses went up a mountain to speak with God and receive the Law. David talks in the Psalms about going to God's holy mountain, Jerusalem. Even Jesus went up on a mountain to pray.

In Psalm 24 it says,

"The earth is the LORD'S, and all it contains, The world, and those who dwell in it.
For He has founded it upon the seas And established it upon the rivers.
Who may ascend into the hill of the LORD? And who may stand in His holy place?
He who has clean hands and a pure heart, Who has not lifted up his soul to falsehood and has not sworn deceitfully. He shall receive a blessing from the LORD and righteousness from the God of his salvation. This is the generation of those who seek Him, who seek Your face, O God of Jacob.
Selah.
Lift up your heads, O gates, and be lifted up, O ancient doors, that the King of glory may come in! Who is the King of glory? The LORD strong and mighty, The LORD mighty in battle.
Lift up your heads, O gates, and lift {them} up, O ancient doors, That the King of glory may come in! Who is this King of glory? The LORD of hosts, He is the King of glory.
Selah."

As Pastor Enrique spoke about clean hands and a pure heart and then prayed that the Lord would give us these things, I was convicted of my ugly, hateful pride. I am consumed by it in even the smallest tasks of my life. Particularly, he convicted me of my prideful heart where this trip is concerned. That learning songs in a foreign language has not been an uphill battle for me is NOT of my own doing or because of any knowledge or understanding I have given myself, but because of the way the Lord created my strange brain to function. Because of the work of His Spirit in my mind to prepare me for a trip I would otherwise not have been prepared for.

I have not done this on my own, but until today I had not acknowledged that fact. I my heart, I had lifted myself up as special, intelligent, capable. In fact, I am none of these things apart from the work of the Holy Spirit. If I am special it is His hand on me that makes me so. If I am intelligent, it is from the wisdom He has granted me that apart from Him I would not understand. If I am capable it is because "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me" and not by any capability I possess within myself. My prayer tonight is that the Lord would change my heart to reflect Philippians 2:3 "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves".

O Lord, give me clean hands and a pure heart that I may ascend the hill of the Lord and stand on Your holy mountain!

Peru update

Well, here we are. A short two weeks from our departure for Peru. We are planning, working, rehearsing (did I mention we are leading worship...IN SPANISH - YIKES!!), praying, preparing, packing. I am very excited, but I would be lying if I said that I was not also intimidated. Reading the information we are given about the church in Comas we are visiting, I am left wondering, "What can I offer them?" These are not people devoid of belief. This is an explosively growing, and expanding church. The Lord reassures me that He has called me to this trip, so I sit. Anxiously awaiting what He will teach me, for I am certain that He will bless the children of Peru through e-camp, and knock me off my feet by what He will teach and show me through them.

For now all I can say is please continue to pray for us. Many of us have not reached our fundraising goals yet (myself included). We are trusting in Him who has called us to this work to complete it and I ask each of you to prayerfully consider supporting this trip. If you feel that He is asking you to support our trip you may visit www.fbctn.org/globalgiving and click the "Give Here" button under the picture labeled "Peru Worship Trip". I also ask for your prayers, from now until we return, for our health. A few of us on the team (myself included) have specific health oddities :). (Mines is to do with my digestive system...) Please pray that the Creator of our bodies will sustain our health through the final stages of preparation and throughout the trip. Please pray for those doing the "planning" part of the trip Rob Howard and Philip Morlan. They both need God's grace and peace and His continued reminder that His hand is upon them as the complete the task He has set before them. Last I ask for your prayers for the rest of us who are planning and preparing classes for the kids and struggling to learn songs in a foreign language. Pray as He leads you for all of us. He knows our needs more even than we do ourselves. God bless and thank you, in advance, for interceding on our behalf.

God is...

The Lord has been dealing with me. You see, last summer I studied Daniel and Revelation and blogged about it ALL SUMMER. It was an amazing experience.

This summer I have been in a DEEP study on marriage. It is a Precept Upon Precept study by Kay Arthur called Marriage Without Regrets. The reason He has been dealing with me is that I have NOT been blogging about it all summer. He has asked me, "Was this a less amazing experience?"...ummm...no. "Was it less impactful?"...ummm...definitely not. "Have I taught you less?"...no, Lord..."So then marriage is not in crisis? You don't know anyone who could benefit from the information I am giving you?...Share, My love...write and share"

So, now I begin. This study has had a deep impact on my life. I pray the Lord shows you places in your life where this His teaching on relationship needs to be applied. He has in mine and walks with me daily as I struggle to apply all that He has taught and continues to teach me.

One of the most foundational lessons in the study was the study on Love. Let's start with the fact that we, in English, have one word for love. When I say "I love you" to my husband, it means something different than when I say it to my son or to my sister or my best friend, but still it is the word "love". Not so in the Word. In the Word, God inspired the writers to use different words that all mean different KINDS of love! This way, if we look up the words, there is no confusion about what the writer meant.

So, today we'll look at the 3 words God used that we've translated "love" and one other Greek word for love that God did not use in His holy Word. (The following is copied from the Precept Upon Precept Marriage Without Regrets study published by Precept Ministries)

1. Eros: 1) erotic love, 2) a love of passion that seizes and absorbs itself into the mind, 3) a love of emotional involvement based on body chemistry, 4) basic idea of this love is self-satisfaction, ie - "I love you because you make me happy"; the foundation of it is some characteristic in the other person that pleases you - if the characteristic were to cease to exist the reason for the love would be gone; this type of love looks for what it can receive and only gives in order to receive and when it fails to get what it wants or expects, bitterness or resentment could develop.
Eros is a CONDITIONAL love. God did not use this word to describe love.
2. Storge: 1)has it’s basis in one’s own nature, 2) a natural affection or natural obligation, 3) natural movement of the soul for husband, wife, child or dog 4) a quiet, abiding feeling within a person that rests on something close to him and that he/she feels good about. In the New Testament this word appears in the noun or verb form with the prefix “a” and therefore negates the love and means without this type of love. In other words, it is used as “unloving”. It is also used with our next word and translated “devoted”.
3. Phileo: 1) companionable love, 2) speaks of affection, fondness or liking, 3) responds to kindness, appreciation, or love, 4) involves giving and receiving, but when strained can collapse in a crisis, 5) called out of one’s heart by qualities in another, 6) it is a higher love than “eros” because it is our happiness rather than my happiness.
4. Agape: 1) called out of one’s heart by the preciousness of the object loved. It is a love of esteem and evaluation. It has the idea of prizing and is the most noble word for love in the Greek language, 2) is not kindled by the merit or worth of its object, but originates in its own God-given nature, 3) delights in giving, 4) keeps on loving even when the loved one is unresponsive, unkind unlovable, and unworthy. It is unconditional love. 5) desires only the good of the one loved and is a consuming passion for the well-being of others.

So what kind of love do you live in? What kind do you show to your husband? your children? your friends? your family? What about those who “don’t deserve it”? What kind do you think God calls us to? We’ll look at that next time. ‘til then, my prayer for you is that you would be open to the conviction of the Spirit and that He would show you how to love better...like He loves.