We periodically hear about referrals other couples at our agency have received. Until recently, this was hopeful news, but as the holidays draw nearer, I am reminded with each one that my daughter is somewhere and will not be with her family for Christmas.
This is what happened yesterday. I heard about 2 more referrals of girls to couples from our agency. My MIND says "Well, obviously, these were neither one YOUR daughter. They were the daughters of these two families. The Lord has built your family, and you must wait for its completion." My heart cries out, "WHY NOT US????"
As I took my sorrow to the Lord in prayer, He reminded me of Psalm 121:
Psalm 121
I will lift my eyes to the mountains
From where does my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not allow your foot to slip,
He who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, He who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord is your keeper,
The Lord is the shade on your right hand.
The sun will not smite you by day
nor the moon by night.
The Lord will protect you from all evil;
He will keep your soul.
The Lord will guard your going out and your coming in
From this time forth and forevermore.
So I wrote it out in my journal. As I was writing He reminded me of something else, as well. Our family is in the midst of celebrating Advent. Advent means "coming" and in the context of Christmas, we are awaiting the coming of Messiah. As we wait we prepare - watching, waiting, and anticipating with joy and excitement - not sorrow and mourning.
I began to examine how I am awaiting the advent of my daughter. Am I preparing, watching, waiting and anticipating with joy and excitement, or sorrow and mourning. I am sad to say that, of late, I have been lazy with my preparation - constant prayer for her and her transition to this country and our family, reading books on adoption, seeking out support groups to know where we will fit best when she arrives, etc - and my anticipating has turned into a 1st class pity-party of "torn-robes and ashes".
I pray that as our wait continues that the Lord would continue to faithfully remind me that He will never leave me nor forsake me - or my precious Rebekah - and that "He will keep [my/her] soul. [He] will guard [my/her] going out and [my/her] coming in from this time forth and forevermore. (Ps 121:7b,8)"
I will lift my eyes to the mountains
From where does my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not allow your foot to slip,
He who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, He who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord is your keeper,
The Lord is the shade on your right hand.
The sun will not smite you by day
nor the moon by night.
The Lord will protect you from all evil;
He will keep your soul.
The Lord will guard your going out and your coming in
From this time forth and forevermore.
So I wrote it out in my journal. As I was writing He reminded me of something else, as well. Our family is in the midst of celebrating Advent. Advent means "coming" and in the context of Christmas, we are awaiting the coming of Messiah. As we wait we prepare - watching, waiting, and anticipating with joy and excitement - not sorrow and mourning.
I began to examine how I am awaiting the advent of my daughter. Am I preparing, watching, waiting and anticipating with joy and excitement, or sorrow and mourning. I am sad to say that, of late, I have been lazy with my preparation - constant prayer for her and her transition to this country and our family, reading books on adoption, seeking out support groups to know where we will fit best when she arrives, etc - and my anticipating has turned into a 1st class pity-party of "torn-robes and ashes".
I pray that as our wait continues that the Lord would continue to faithfully remind me that He will never leave me nor forsake me - or my precious Rebekah - and that "He will keep [my/her] soul. [He] will guard [my/her] going out and [my/her] coming in from this time forth and forevermore. (Ps 121:7b,8)"
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